Respectable life goals
I was talking to a girl I met recently at a friend's house, and asked her what she wanted to do with her degree in teaching since she was just starting her college education. She told me she'd rather not go to university at all - it's something of a placeholder/way to find a husband until she can stay at home and have lots of children and homeschool them all. For some reason I was really repulsed by her response, and I can't figure out why:1. Being a stay-at-home mom is about the best thing you can do for your kids, if you have some way to financially support your family otherwise.
2. Wanting to homeschool one's children instead of sending them to public school has it's pros and cons just as any other form of education, so I'm not biased against it
3. Some people aren't cut out for a university education, and I'm fine with that too - it's probably better for everyone if they don't.
So why does it bother me? Was it that her only goal in life sounded like it was reproduction? Or is this some stupid brainwashing carryover from all my years of public education? I'd like to know what other people think of this.
8 comment(s):
Anna, is she only going to college to meet a future husband? My english teacher mentioned this one class day, about what everyone's main goal in being in college/her class was.
As I am just starting college, I can say, I am NOT there for any reason other than furthering my education/future career/life. I would feel repulsed too if she said that to me. Why is this girl going if she could just find a husband another way, instead of wasting money and not taking it seriously? I take all my classes seriously. I do my best and am trying to balance everything-it's hard, but I would wonder why the heck she is even here when I'm working hard and she doesn't care. It would make me sick.
My cousin didn't finish college, I don't think. She became a midwife and her husband is a doctor. They have been missionaries to several places. They have two small kids and one on the way, still in their 20's. She is overwhelmed, but I'm sure she'll survive, she's tough, but it's got to be hard on her-not having time for herself, her husband barely at home and when he is he's so tired from working long hours. They are not able to support themselves, I don't think and probably have lots of money to pay off from college. This is what she wanted though, lots of kids, but they should have, in my opinion, waited until they could support themselves. She did not go to college with the purpose of finding a husband, but she fell in love during college and things change, she decided a family was more important than her having a career. mabey she will get a job someday, i really haven't talked to her in a long time, so, I don't know presently her plans/goals/what is actually going on.
By Patty, at 12:30 AM
I think its crazy, but very reminiscent of someone else I know. She too thought maybe even expected that she would be married by now. She never wanted to be a babymaker thought. She seems to be happy with where she is right now thankfully.
The origins seem to have to do with expectations. Every woman I've met wants to be married. Most though refuse to simply marry and stay in a house and look after kids. No alone time, and no skill that that would enhance their own view of their self-worth.
The idea of someone going to school only to meet a spouse is repulsive on the grounds that their in a place to further themself in the job market. I mean thats the purpose of school, to better prepare and enlighten the workforce. And they are there wasting money toiling not for a degree but a wedding ring that will suddenly make everything all better.
Also for the ladies, the idea that all that is expected of you by your mate is a hot meal, a clean house, nice children, sex, your idolatry, and of course obedience to the God of the Household. Is justifiably insulting, chauvinistic and doomed.
By askew view, at 7:57 AM
I'm all in favor of this, with the possible exception of her attending college. I don't know that college will help much with what she wants to do.
As for her goal of getting married and having lots of kids to homeschool, I'm all in favor of that and think it's a large portion of the cure for modernity.
Look, if she had told you she was going to school to become a teacher so she could make a difference in kid's lives, you would be gushing about what a wonderful idealistic person she is, and wouldn't have any objections to her also really wanting to get married. But because she wants to have those kids herself, you're repulsed.
By Anachronism, at 3:14 PM
No, I'd caution her about being naive. But other than that I would wish her well. Nor am I repulsed at attending school for the sole reason of finding a husband. In truth what I want to say is that I would want nothing to do with a woman determined to live in 8,000 sq. ft. Nor do those women find me pleasant once they get to know me. I think they expect someone to make all their decisions for them.
By askew view, at 7:17 PM
"In truth what I want to say is that I would want nothing to do with a woman determined to live in 8,000 sq. ft."
Huh? Where in Hades did this come from?
By Anachronism, at 7:40 PM
Anna,
I had a wonderful comment written and then the technology demons ate it. I was very disappointed. Here's a not-as-good second try.
I can totally understand where you're coming from here. I felt the same way when my 19 y/o sister in law dropped out of college after 3 months so that she could be a stay-at-home-fiancee. She said that she didn't like it and just wanted to stay home and have kids. They have since gotten married and had their first baby, and she is deliriously happy. I also know another woman who went to 6 years of college to be a stay at home mom. I didn't understand either of them at the time, although I understand better now, as I am finally in a place to welcome children into our family. I think that part of the problem I had was that I had to wait 7 years and work hard in order to be able to go back to school, so I don't understand people who CAN go to school, but don't appreciate the blessing. Also, I was raised to be very independant, and don't always understand those that wrap their entire life around another person or child. I need to be ME before I can be MOM or WIFE. Being MOM or WIFE doesn't make me ME. This is one of the big sources of friction between me and my husband's family, as ALL the women are SAH moms or wives. I am the only working woman in the family, and the only one who has a life outside of home. We don't have a lot in common! I have been subjected to the idea that the only goal in life is reproduction for the past 8 years by his family, and have endured, although not always pleasantly. They don't appreciate my ambitions and I didn't appreciate theirs, but my tune is changing somewhat as I think (hope?) of someday being a SAH mom as well. If a college education can help this gal to better raise her children, then good for her, I say. It's an expensive and time consuming way to find a husband, but "to each their own" I guess. It would bother me, too, probably, but what do you do?
By Amaranth, at 9:11 AM
Having not read the other comments yet...
I'm tempted to think influence from public school, feminists and the like, because I get that same gut reaction in the same situation despite the fact that it contradicts what I know and believe.
By Ariadne, at 1:52 PM
*Sniffle* People still read my site. It warms my heart.
As I've thought about it, I agree with what Patty said - it bothers me that this girl does not take her education seriously. I view it as a privilege and a priority to be educated, whether you plan to be a SAH mom or not, or you are female or male. Education doesn't have to come from attending a university (and doesn't have to be a PhD and a "career"), but realistically it most often does - a high school diploma doesn't mean much any more. It scares me to think that there are women who are homeschooled poorly, then get married, have lots of children, and homeschool them poorly because they never knew better. If you look at the news, you'll see that a good portion of the decline of our country is due to uneducated people who don't know/care how our country works (or its history) and don't know how to be responsible, independent citizens. Homeschooling is a fabulous tool if the educator is educated. Being a stay at home mom is wonderful if you are able to be a well-rounded person doing so. Education is to be valued - it really *bugs* me that I am attending a university where it seems the many who don't care and therefore do poorly are lowering the standard of education for everyone and will graduate uneducated.
By Anna, at 8:25 PM
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